Monday, February 22, 1999

American politics at its worst, and funniest

Why Not Me - The Inside Story of the Making and Unmaking of the Franken Presidency

By Al Franken, Delacrote, 320 pages, $32.95

Reviewed by Jonathan Kay

National Post

Even in the early '90s, when political correctness temporarily impaired their collective ability to tell jokes, American liberals were still funnier than their conservative counterparts -- and only partly because more of them were Jewish. Now that the irony-free era of identity politics is beginning to pass, the disparity is growing wider still. The collapse of liberal shibboleths has left modern lefties free to return to their old, wacky habits; and Al Franken -- who is very Jewish, very liberal, and very funny -- is leading the charge.

Why Not Me is Franken's third successful book, but he is still best known for his work as a founding member of television's Saturday Night Live, where he created his Stuart Smalley character, the "caring nurturer" who validated his neuroses through his repetition of modish self-help mantras (most famously, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!").

But Franken was always more of a purebred satirist than a laugh-track comedian, and his 1996 book of essays, Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations demonstrated that his talents went further than mere sketch comedy. In Big Fat Idiot, Franken savaged the whole gamut of slogan-spouting Republican chest-thumpers -- Newt Gingrich, Phil Gramm, Pat Buchanan, and, of course, the corpulent Mr. Limbaugh himself. The author was even kind enough to provide his readers with a detailed index, featuring such helpful entries as "doughnuts, Limbaugh's consumption of," and "moderation, Limbaugh's failure to eat in."

Why Not Me delivers another dose of mostly political humour. But unlike Big Fat Idiot (it's hard to stop writing that), this book is no mere comedic screed against America's right wing. In his new book, Franken takes on the whole Washington establishment -- Democrats, Republicans, Sunday morning talking heads, Supreme Court judges, and spin doctors alike.

As the title suggests, the vehicle for Franken's satire is the faux-autobiographical tale of the author's campaign to become America's first Jewish president. His saga starts in New Hampshire, where he drives around aimlessly, lecturing to the locals ("feebleminded mouth breathers") on the single issue that comprises his campaign platform: lower ATM fees. Things go slowly at first, but his campaign takes off when insane Grizzly Adams star Dan Haggerty joins his staff ("Turns out Dan is a big opponent of ATMs. Says they are controlling the weather.") Soon thereafter, Franken establishes a successful 1-900 lesbian sex line to finance his staff's non-stop whoring and amphetamine consumption. The money comes pouring in.

But Franken is still trailing Democratic frontrunner Al Gore in the polls -- so he sends a team of french-kissing homosexuals to appear at Gore's rallies. ("One-Two-Three-Four -- If you're a homo, vote for Gore!") Gore is defeated, and Franken is catapulted into the White House on an all-Jew ticket, with Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman as vice-president. ("It's a balanced ticket, since he's Orthodox and I'm Reform.") Franken boots Clinton out of the Oval Office without so much as a handshake ("Why do I need his advice? I already know how to get a blow job.") and immediately institutes a Jew-only policy for his cabinet -- with an exception made for stealth gentile, Defense Secretary William Cohen. (Franken also considers appointing G. Gordon Liddy as Secretary of Gay Affairs, but decides against it.)

Once he holds the presidential reins, however, things go downhill quickly. His swearing-in speech is a disaster ("We are becoming two nations. One rich and white and Asian. The other poor and black and other.") Soon, he announces his decision to clone himself, and compounds the controversy by using the womb of lesbian actress Anne Heche for his genetic twin's gestation. Ultimately, he is impeached following the failure of his plan to assassinate Saddam Hussein by pretending to present him with a World's Greatest Granddad plaque and then hitting him over the head with it.

A lot of the humour in this book is political -- but most of it is hilarious even if you have no idea who Cokie Roberts or George Stephanopoulos are. (Although I should point out that page 107 features the best George Will send-up I have ever had the pleasure of reading.) In fact, a lot of the best jokes come straight out of the gutter: "Being a White House insider had its shocking and unseemly side. This was brought home to me every time I would encounter Al Gore, whose uncontrollable libido and inappropriate sexual behaviour toward anything with two legs and a hole in between brought shame and ill repute to Bill Clinton's legacy."

And if you think that's bad, page 123 features a scatological gag so shamelessly adolescent, it would make Beavis and Butthead blush. I should say that I found it juvenile and it didn't make me laugh at all.

No, really.

Jonathan Kay is on the editorial board of the National Post.